Tionna Tee Smalls, AuthorTionna Tee Smalls, author of "Girl Get Your Mind Right"
gives you an intimate look into her life. This is the diary of Tionna Tee Smalls.
gives you an intimate look into her life. This is the diary of Tionna Tee Smalls.
October 2, 2007
I usually don’t believe in hectic-ness but I guess today, things have changed a little bit. I was supposed to be helping out a buddy of mine on a DVD project that he made up but I guessed I lost interest in it because he wasn’t on his grind the way I expected him to be. He kept calling me today but I was too busy to answer my phone, so I let the call go to voicemail. Finally I went on AOL to check my email and saw that he has left me a message. His message was kind of crazy and I told him that I would not be able to do the project any longer.
I usually don’t believe in hectic-ness but I guess today, things have changed a little bit. I was supposed to be helping out a buddy of mine on a DVD project that he made up but I guessed I lost interest in it because he wasn’t on his grind the way I expected him to be. He kept calling me today but I was too busy to answer my phone, so I let the call go to voicemail. Finally I went on AOL to check my email and saw that he has left me a message. His message was kind of crazy and I told him that I would not be able to do the project any longer.
I felt bad for quitting on him but he is not on his grind and I am hoping that if I am not involved in this project, it will make him feel like he has to prove himself more. See, it’s hard when you are on the come up. Everyone wants you to be apart of their projects but you can’t make everyone happy. That is what I have to look at before I even entertain an idea for now on. I still feel bad for not being able to participate in this project but the boy needs vision. How are you going to try to get someone involved in something you are doing when you don’t have a real true plan or money? At least if you have the money, you can pay someone else or team up with someone else who has the master plan. There’s an old saying that I truly believe in: You fail when you don’t plan- and plan so you won’t fail… Something like that. All I know is that I am in the beginning of my own destiny so it’s extremely hard to help those who aren’t helping themselves and it’s even hard to help others when you are just beginning to help yourself.
Damn! Life is just too complicated. I guess this is how it is on your way to the top… A real hard and bumpy ride… But hey, nothing in life comes easy and I guess that is why some people in life are successful while others are not. Hell, you want to bring everyone with you to the promise land but the reality of it is, you can’t. You can take a person to the well-that doesn’t mean they are going to drink. Oh well, Mama said they’ll be days like this…
October 3, 2007
Love life- what is a love life? Once upon a time when I was a young girl growing up in Brooklyn, I had a love life. A life filled with sit-down dinners, watching home movies, taking a walk to the park, or just hanging on the phone until y’all both were practically asleep. Now all I have is a bunch of thirsty dudes hunting me down making promises that they know they butts can’t keep. Now I go after men who don’t like me, I guess only for the thrill. Today I went against my “I don’t give an f rule” and waited to call a man until after 7 pm (when his minutes were free), aint that some bull? I was like ok, let me be sympathetic to his minutes and wait. I guess homie was too busy because he didn’t call back until 10:36 pm according to my office phone’s caller ID's (I hardly ever do cell phones).
October 3, 2007
Love life- what is a love life? Once upon a time when I was a young girl growing up in Brooklyn, I had a love life. A life filled with sit-down dinners, watching home movies, taking a walk to the park, or just hanging on the phone until y’all both were practically asleep. Now all I have is a bunch of thirsty dudes hunting me down making promises that they know they butts can’t keep. Now I go after men who don’t like me, I guess only for the thrill. Today I went against my “I don’t give an f rule” and waited to call a man until after 7 pm (when his minutes were free), aint that some bull? I was like ok, let me be sympathetic to his minutes and wait. I guess homie was too busy because he didn’t call back until 10:36 pm according to my office phone’s caller ID's (I hardly ever do cell phones).
I get home from this wack pseudo-celebrity event and call him and still no answer. To be honest, my patience with men has worn out. I mean I know there is nothing like a warm man to come home to but I think life has changed. People say that women that are on their way to the top think they don’t need no man. I don’t think that’s what it is. I think men these days can take a head strong woman who know where she is going in life. I mean yeah, there are guys that beat down my door but those are mostly the guys that don’t really have themselves together. Don’t say that maybe it’s the places I meet them at because for the last 2 years since I broke up with my first love, I have been around the world and back. And I meet different type of men but somehow they are not for me. I have came to the realization that maybe the kind of guy I wont doesn’t exist and it’s a figure in my imagination like most things in my life.
Many of the people in my life think that I want too much; that I want perfection but that’s not true. I just want someone that wants to be around, someone who wants to grow with me mentally, and someone who wants to be responsible and not waste his life. Is it too much to ask for a man with no baby-mama drama? Or a man who has some kind of credit? I mean am I being too unreasonable. I mean there are great dudes out here but most of them are attached some kind of way to someone else or most of them don’t like black girls. I mean, it’s hard out here. I just stopped looking because I know that God will send me the right guy at the right time. Maybe it isn’t the right time for me. I am really into building my career, my name, my brand and I barely have time to clean my house much less be attentive to another person besides myself. That same guy who I liked got mad because I was reading and responding to an email while he was on the phone. Get the hell out of here! Doesn’t he know that this is my life? I have no choice but to respond to emails and be out there because I am not going to be a loser.
I am going to win in my career and if that takes being alone then so be it but I shouldn’t have to choose. While I am writing this I see that homeboy is definitely not right for me because the guy that is chosen for me will understand that I am just a young, black girl, from the hood who is trying to make it and it isn’t anything against him but sometimes I am a little busy. 
You gotta respect that. I guess this is what I get for all those years of not appreciating being with a person who gave me the world or who may have not been the most perfect man for me but tried to be. But I won’t beat myself up because I have grown from all of my mishaps in the past. I have learned and moved on. That is what life is all about. But I have made this promise to myself and I plan on keeping it like this; if a person doesn’t makes me happy, they are gone. Sorry, life is too hard to be stressed. I know that I am a great woman so I know a great man is in the wind or in the clouds waiting for me and then we will come together and make one. But I guess until then, I have to continue fantasizing and just writing to get those checks, lol. Aww, now when I think of the word love, I think of commitment, I think of being unconditional, I think of being warm even when it’s cold outside, I think of family, and most of all now, I think of me. Goodnight.
October 5, 2007
Today started out as a weird day. I woke up feeling really nervous. Last night, I had a dream about my first boyfriend (the only man I have ever really loved). Everything seemed like a blur. I saw him and he had like this girlfriend and they had a kid and I think she was pregnant again. I was feeling a little sick to my stomach while I was sleep but it could have been my cramps and these big ass rollers I had in my head, LOL. Damn, it doesn’t matter how long you have been apart from someone, if you really loved them, you think about them. But I am happy to say that I am happily over all of that bullcrap. I can’t believe that in the dream, I beat him to death when he told me that the girl was pregnant by him. Damn, I guess I am crazy. Anyway, I woke up nervous and feeling like a loser- lol. See, it doesn’t matter how strong you think you are, you still have your problems or things that aggravate the hell out of you. I was looking forward to getting up and going to the gym but this “friend” of mine has made me too lazy to do a motherfreaking thing. Foreal. I am an entrepreneur so on average, I wake up at 11:00am (hey I go to bed at like 6am), turn on the computer; check my emails (both AOL and Yahoo). It takes me about an hour to respond to those. Then I log on to websites like Myspace and The Facebook to read my messages, network, and promote my book and other ventures that I am involved with. I start to look at my Gawker column to see if any new comments or views came up. I also re-read what I wrote on it daily, so that I can stay on top of myself. Another funny thing I do everyday is GOOGLE myself everyday to see if anyone wrote something new about me or to see if any new articles of writing appear for the public. If I have a meeting, I get ready to go to a meeting. I love getting dressed up when I do get dressed. Image is everything to me once I am out of the house. I dress very cute and colorful and I have clothes for every occasion. I have many bags and shoes but I almost always wear my Louis Vuitton Speedy bag. I don’t know why but I have such a deep connection with that pocketbook for many reasons I won’t bore you about now. Anyway, today is going to be a regular dress day. I’m throwing on a regular shirt and some pants. I still may go to the gym too because my gut is looking quite questionable. No breakfast for me today, I just ate my left over Cosi Flatbread Pizza which is better tasting after being in the fridge for a few days, lol. Well now I see why I’m in serious need of the treadmill right now- damn.
October 7, 2007
My neighbor is playing like Whitney Houston’s greatest hits, Oh wow. Anyway, Tionna Smalls is known for her creative projects. I always think of things that are new and apart of my fantasy called life. My newest project is a calendar for your average good looking female. She could be found at the Receptionist Desk at a Doctor’s office, she could be a Publicist, or a mother with 2 children. I am personally tired of seeing sexy calendars with waxed up, airbrushed ass chicks in it. I want real girls who are sexy to be in my calendar. The calendar will be catered to men but it will be something a female will pick up based on the beauty of it. It will be something people will be like wow, this is glamorous. The ups of it is that its going to be something I wanted to do for a long time and my motivation will be strictly in it… The downs are there aren’t many photographers that have
the same vision as myself that are reasonably priced. It’s also October so we have to get on this project like ASAP. I wish I would have started this back when I was supposed to do but I didn’t because of my financial obligation to other things but you know what, its ok. It will be done before December.
You gotta respect that. I guess this is what I get for all those years of not appreciating being with a person who gave me the world or who may have not been the most perfect man for me but tried to be. But I won’t beat myself up because I have grown from all of my mishaps in the past. I have learned and moved on. That is what life is all about. But I have made this promise to myself and I plan on keeping it like this; if a person doesn’t makes me happy, they are gone. Sorry, life is too hard to be stressed. I know that I am a great woman so I know a great man is in the wind or in the clouds waiting for me and then we will come together and make one. But I guess until then, I have to continue fantasizing and just writing to get those checks, lol. Aww, now when I think of the word love, I think of commitment, I think of being unconditional, I think of being warm even when it’s cold outside, I think of family, and most of all now, I think of me. Goodnight.October 5, 2007
Today started out as a weird day. I woke up feeling really nervous. Last night, I had a dream about my first boyfriend (the only man I have ever really loved). Everything seemed like a blur. I saw him and he had like this girlfriend and they had a kid and I think she was pregnant again. I was feeling a little sick to my stomach while I was sleep but it could have been my cramps and these big ass rollers I had in my head, LOL. Damn, it doesn’t matter how long you have been apart from someone, if you really loved them, you think about them. But I am happy to say that I am happily over all of that bullcrap. I can’t believe that in the dream, I beat him to death when he told me that the girl was pregnant by him. Damn, I guess I am crazy. Anyway, I woke up nervous and feeling like a loser- lol. See, it doesn’t matter how strong you think you are, you still have your problems or things that aggravate the hell out of you. I was looking forward to getting up and going to the gym but this “friend” of mine has made me too lazy to do a motherfreaking thing. Foreal. I am an entrepreneur so on average, I wake up at 11:00am (hey I go to bed at like 6am), turn on the computer; check my emails (both AOL and Yahoo). It takes me about an hour to respond to those. Then I log on to websites like Myspace and The Facebook to read my messages, network, and promote my book and other ventures that I am involved with. I start to look at my Gawker column to see if any new comments or views came up. I also re-read what I wrote on it daily, so that I can stay on top of myself. Another funny thing I do everyday is GOOGLE myself everyday to see if anyone wrote something new about me or to see if any new articles of writing appear for the public. If I have a meeting, I get ready to go to a meeting. I love getting dressed up when I do get dressed. Image is everything to me once I am out of the house. I dress very cute and colorful and I have clothes for every occasion. I have many bags and shoes but I almost always wear my Louis Vuitton Speedy bag. I don’t know why but I have such a deep connection with that pocketbook for many reasons I won’t bore you about now. Anyway, today is going to be a regular dress day. I’m throwing on a regular shirt and some pants. I still may go to the gym too because my gut is looking quite questionable. No breakfast for me today, I just ate my left over Cosi Flatbread Pizza which is better tasting after being in the fridge for a few days, lol. Well now I see why I’m in serious need of the treadmill right now- damn.
October 7, 2007
My neighbor is playing like Whitney Houston’s greatest hits, Oh wow. Anyway, Tionna Smalls is known for her creative projects. I always think of things that are new and apart of my fantasy called life. My newest project is a calendar for your average good looking female. She could be found at the Receptionist Desk at a Doctor’s office, she could be a Publicist, or a mother with 2 children. I am personally tired of seeing sexy calendars with waxed up, airbrushed ass chicks in it. I want real girls who are sexy to be in my calendar. The calendar will be catered to men but it will be something a female will pick up based on the beauty of it. It will be something people will be like wow, this is glamorous. The ups of it is that its going to be something I wanted to do for a long time and my motivation will be strictly in it… The downs are there aren’t many photographers that have
the same vision as myself that are reasonably priced. It’s also October so we have to get on this project like ASAP. I wish I would have started this back when I was supposed to do but I didn’t because of my financial obligation to other things but you know what, its ok. It will be done before December. Anyway, a few months ago, my book, “Girl, Get Your Mind Right!”, came out as an independent on Iuniverse. They gave me online distribution and things have picked up based on my publicity skills and hard marketing duties. Now I have a lit agent and he is working on getting the book republished through a major publishing company. Now I am about to get ready to improve that book then move on to my next book. In this game you have to keep hustling if you plan on making $100,000 within two years. I have big dreams, well goals for myself. I can’t depend on a man or anything; I have to go hard by my lonesome. I have been writing since I was in 3rd grade and now I finally have realized that my writing, my attitude, and my words are the gift that God has given to me. I believe that all my personal and professional dreams are going to come true because I am a person of faith and an advocate for people who work hard. Everyone says they want to be successful but they don’t have that umph to make it and don’t want to spend money to make money. I am going to die a millionaire. I truly believe that because I am setting myself up to do that right now. It’s hard but hey somebody has to do it. I am tired of buying an expensive bag that takes me back for 2 weeks. I don’t want to have enough to buy a pocket book, I want to go to resorts and Islands. I went to St. Thomas this summer and I was just sitting there thinking like damn, this is how my life should always be. And you know what, it is my duty to make this happen… Holla.
October 8, 2007
October 8, 2007
Ever since I decided to follow my dream and become a writer, I have been filled with high parts of each day but nothing beat early this morning. Around 12am. I was at the Red Café’ Album Release Party at Runway in NYC and I am sitting there chilling with my home girl when all of a sudden out of nowhere, this young lady that I have never seen in my life approaches me and aksed me was my name Tionna. I said yes, and if you would have saw the look on her face, it was priceless. You would have thought she met Michael Jackson or somebody.
My friend and I were both amazed. And it was like wow, someone else other than the people that know me actually read my work and LIKE IT. And I love the fact that she was woman enough to give me props on a job well done because most people wouldn’t have done it. I guess that was the high part of my day and my year. And after she found out it was me, like 2 other people approached me and I was happy. See that is what living this kind of life is all about, the fame, and going to sleep knowing that you do something beyond average. My life these days are all over the place so I don’t know what I am doing next week besides showing up at some events and networking with some good people.
Sometimes you feel like you are going nowhere fast but just when you start to feel down, something amazing happens that shows you that you are doing the right thing. I will end this diary with this advice: Love what you do and do it because you love it. Don’t worry about what the haters say, they are going to talk regardless. And no matter what failures may come in the future, you never give up because after every storm, there is a rainbow. So definitely remember that. Love Always, Tionna Smalls.
Be sure to cop my book, “Girl, Get Your Mind Right!” at Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, and Target.com- NOW! Check out my Advice Column at Gawker.com!
And be sure to check out http://www.talkdatish.com/! Thanks.
Be sure to cop my book, “Girl, Get Your Mind Right!” at Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, and Target.com- NOW! Check out my Advice Column at Gawker.com!
And be sure to check out http://www.talkdatish.com/! Thanks.
